Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Maple Syrup - The Sappiest Canadian songs EVER!

There's nothing like a weekend in Niagara Falls. The Honeymoon City, the Capital of Kitsch, snow globe souvenirs and a ride on the Maid of the Mist. The musical lineup in the coming months include Styx, Foreigner and Tony Orlando. Surely, this is where the 70s go to die.

All this musical reminiscing got me to thinking, "What are the sappiest Canadian songs ever written and foisted upon an unsuspecting public?" Or in other words how can I drive my friends crazy after a night of herbs and tequila. How do I get a houseful of reprobates to shout in unison; "Turn that @#$% off!"

What I do is go online and find "maple syrup."

I didn't know where this list was going when I started tormenting my friends but I did have some rules. Justin Bieber doesn't count - I can't force myself to listen to him so I can't in good consciousnesses subject Herr Bieber to people I consider my friends. Luba gets omitted as does Blue Rodeo because no one south of the border (any border!) had to be subjected to them on a sustained basis. Rocket Man by Captain Kirk is out - too campy to be sappy. Anne Murray is also out (pun intended) as she has a wing to herself in the Maple Syrup Hall of Shame.

In reverse order:

10. Everything I Do - Bryan Adams
You know that your song is sappy when the embed code on YouTube is disabled. If I was associated with this sap I would want to pretend that it didn't happen too. This song was rated higher (lower?) but when you disavow it on YouTube your ranking takes a tumble. If you really want to subject yourself to this song you can click here.

9. Night To Remember - Prism
The first of two songs with a titanic reference to sappiness.

8. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
Could the b-side have been any sappier than this offering by the otherwise sainted Ms. Mitchell?

7. Last Song - Edward Bear
This was the last song that topped the charts for a band named after Winnie the Pooh.

6. Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Perhaps this should have been listed at 666 instead of 6 as it is surely the work of the devil.

5. Wildflower - Skylark
It should come as no surprise that this song was penned by David Foster. 'Nuff said.

4. When I'm With You - Sheriff
What's it like to have a number one song six years after you break up? Ask Sheriff. Don't spare the deputy.

3. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Perhaps a tad unfair that Ms Dion is on this list because all her songs are syrupy.

2. Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
Keep your hands where I can see them and back away slowly.

1. Seasons in the Sun - Terry Jacks

The cream of the crop or the bottom of the barrel going over The Falls. This song goes beyond being the Maple Syrup champion of Canadian sentimentality. Mr'
Jack's song is the sappiest song of all time - EVER!

Bubbling under and not making this list was: Pretty Lady - April Wine; If You Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot; Make Me Do Anything You Want - Foot in Cold Water; I Needed You - Anne Murray; Bad Day - Daniel Powter; Stay Awhile - The Bells and; Which Way You Goin' Billy? - The Poppy Family.

I don't think that we have even scratched the surface of the iceberg. Oh well, time for another border crossing. And another shot of tequila with a Molson Canadian chaser.

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